


Cocks and Other Birds

by Elany



Series: It's 3AM And This Is Not What We Agreed To [2]
Category: Football RPF
Genre: Bad Puns, Crack, Fluff, M/M, don't take this thing too seriously, like really bad puns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-16
Updated: 2015-03-16
Packaged: 2018-03-18 04:13:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3555605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elany/pseuds/Elany
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The one in which nothing is sad yet and the team takes a joke too far.<br/>Super Mario to the rescue!</p><p>Can be read as a standalone piece.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cocks and Other Birds

**Author's Note:**

> Chronological order what chronological order  
> aka the events of this fic happen a few months after Marco joins BVB, which is years before the first part of this series. Specific date is anything but important.
> 
> Enjoy!

Marco was acting like a kid.

To be completely fair, they all were, but his sulking made him no better than any of the rest of the team. In fact, him refusing to speak even to Mario just might be worse than them calling him that silly nickname.

As is common in such cases, it all started out as a completely innocent joke, with everybody having fun. That is, until somebody took it too far and Marco decided he had enough of being compared to a cartoon bird, walking out on the rest of the team with an audible huff. True, he was done changing, but all things considered it still seemed unnecessarily dramatic.

As one, all eyes fell to Mario.

But of course. Everybody was in on the teasing, but damage control falls on him. Best friend privilege and all that.

With a sigh, he picked up his bag and gave the rest of the team a glare that held little to no actual heat - chubby cheeks not helping his case - before taking off with a simple goodbye. If he was in luck, Marco shouldn't have gotten too far yet. If nothing else, he was driving today, and Mario didn't think the other was pissed enough to leave him here without a ride.

True to that, Marco has barely made it outside by the time Mario did the same, and was walking towards his car at a pace that was implying he wasn't actually planning on getting there anytime this century. Smirking to himself at how obvious his friend was, he quickened his pace and, being one of those somebody-s that always took things too far, called out to him.

"Woody! Hey, wait!"

Oh, he could just see the other rolling his eyes. However, he also did the opposite of stopping, so taking to a light jog, Mario tried again.

"Come on, Woodyinho! Wait for me! Hey, Wood!"

To his utter surprise, that actually made the other stop in his tracks. However, the death glare that was being sent his way made him reconsider whether he should be happy about that fact.  
Damn. He really should have just gone to him and apologised right at the beginning. He was tremendously bad in these situations and _everybody_ _knew_ that. Best friend or not, whose bright idea it was again, to leave making things right to him?  
Although, when he finally dared to come closer, he realised that the look he was being given wasn't so much trying to kill him, as it was just really, really unimpressed. If he was completely honest, he was pretty unimpressed with himself as well.

"Wood? Really Mario? That _really_ seemed like a totally okay, non awkward abbreviation to you?"

Mario would love to say that he made that pun on purpose, he really would. But the fact was, that he'd be lying, as until now, he didn't even fully realize just what he had said. And the realization of his faux pas did nothing for his suddenly nonexistent communication skills, as he searched all over his brain for something to say that could make this situation less embarrassing, and coming up blank every time. His mouth, however, didn't quite get with the 'speechless' programme and decided to save the day in its own special manner.

"Well, it's one part of you I quite like, so at least it's applicable?"

If Mario had a list of things he was planning to say few seconds ago, this would be so far down the list it wouldn't even _be_ on the list, because _he did not want to say that. At all. Ever._ It was the perfect example of why he should not be the one dealing with stressful situations and if by any chance Marco wasn't completely horrified with him, well, Mario was making it up for the both of them. To the point that in his mortification he completely missed Marco's expression changing from absolutely baffled, into amused, until he was outright laughing, startling the other out of his self imposed mental exile.

Coughing as he choked on the words that tried to make it out of him through his laughter, Marco took a quick peek around them and finally managed a single sentence before erupting in laughter again.

"No, no, let me get this straight. You just accidentally called your boyfriend a dick, and meant it as a compliment? Is that seriously a thing that happened?"

At last Mario cracked a smile of his own. When you put it that way...

"Yeah. Yeah, I did. You know, keeping my priorities straight." His smile only grew when the other groaned loudly at another pun, before being overcome by a fit of giggles yet again. The lightened atmosphere was just what he needed to actually make the apology he came out to do in the first place though, and he sobered enough to say it with all of his sincerity.  
"Hey, I'm sorry about before. We should have stopped when it became obvious we're just annoying you."

The laughter died out slowly, as the other sighed quietly, turning back to Mario with a reassuring smile. "Don't worry about it. I'm actually quite fond of that nickname - you know that - just, please, don't call me _Wood_ again, mister Woodpecker."

The horrified gasp that escaped Mario could probably be heard all the way back to the dressing rooms, where the rest of the guys were inexplicably still changing.

"You did not just-"

"Oh yes I did."

"Please don't call me that in front of anybody, ever."

"Just imagine the questions. 'But why do you call him that?' Oh it's because he likes to kiss my--"

"That's it, we're going home and we're _never_ mentioning _any_ of this, to _anybody_."

So, he might not be as bad at dealing with crisis situations as he liked to say he is, but Mats is still going to pay for the months of 'mister Woodpecker' puns he'd probably have to live through. Although, Mario thought as he pushed still chuckling Marco towards the car, this didn't end half bad. No, not bad at all.


End file.
